whatisright | IC Inbox (Drift Fleet)

[It's not unreasonable, what he's asking. And she deserves it, after what happened. Still, it's a hefty thing to promise, especially considering what's at stake. She feels like she's gambling with his life. But she's also risking their friendship. This will be something she will have to talk over with Anders as well in the future, to make sure they avoid this pitfall a second time. And also as a way to warn him to be careful about what he tells her about Justice from here on out. She doesn't want to have to lie again, not when she's about to swear not to.]

I swear. [Luckily, she's not hiding anything else super important from him. Well, nothing that directly affects him, anyway.] Just so we're both clear about it for future reference: what do you define as important? Obviously anything that directly impacts you, and anything related to dispensing justice and the like.

[Like any mortal, Riona has a few secrets. Most Justice wouldn't care much about, but she's not sure how he'd take learning about how she dodged dying when she killed the Archdemon.]

I may not understand it, but I know that you mortals value your privacy. I do not consider it a betrayal if you hide something you consider personal and unrelated to me or my virtue.

[The implication being that he does consider it a betrayal to have hidden the horror of his future from him. He would have thought a betrayal like that would be enough for him to no longer be friends with her, but he doesn't want to not be friends with her. The betrayal doesn't erase all the good things she's done for him, and it doesn't erase his affection for her. He doesn't know how to deal with these muddy feelings, with all this hurt and love mixed together at once.

He has to forgive her, and it's easier with her promise to not do it again.]

Do not lie about your moral judgment. If you believe I am slipping, you must say so. [And yes, he would consider omission in this case to be a lie.]

Thank you. All mortals have their secrets, and there are a few I'd rather keep to myself. I promise none impact you. And there isn't anything else so important that I'm hiding from you.

[Someday she hopes he'll come to understand why she did what she did. Maybe it'll be never, but she hopes. Though it won't happen any time soon even if it does. For now, she just has to take the chances offered to her and try and repair things.]

I will say so. Believe me, I don't want to see you become Vengeance. [The brief glimpse she got once was more than enough.] If there are others you trust in the fleet, you may want to enlist them as well. While I'd do my best to be impartial, I'm only human and I can be flawed. Having multiple perspectives on something can't hurt, should the need arise. [Would he even consider Anders, knowing what's happened? Or will happen, in his case? She's almost afraid to ask.]

[Justice hums in acknowledgment, both to her assertion that she'd like to keep certain secrets and her suggestion that he ask many mortals for their perspective. He will. He can't depend on only one human to keep him in check, especially one that has such affection for him. He doesn't know who else he trusts enough to even try using as a guide, but he will try.

(He doesn't know if it's a good idea to use Anders. If Riona is blinded by her affection for him, Anders has been rendered blind, deaf, and dumb by it. He doubts Anders would ever acknowledge it if he truly slipped into something irredeemable.)]

I will consider what can be done.

[He will figure it out. It's either that or die.

But for now, he just has a lot of feelings that he doesn't feel any more equipped to deal with than he was a month ago. He doesn't know how to fix everything between them or how to mitigate all the emotions poisoning him, but he knows that it makes him feel better to be close to Riona. He takes another drink of wine before offering it to her again, turning to tuck his head in the crook of her shoulder, squeezing her hand. He doesn't think she minds this. If she does, she'll tell him. Probably.]

[At least he's taking her suggestion to heart. That's a step in the right direction. This won't be fixed overnight, but they're making their way towards it. A lot remains up in the air, but Riona has more hope than she's had in weeks. She focuses on it, hoping he'll pick up on it.]

I missed you, for what it's worth. It hasn't been the same without you around.

[Belatedly she realizes that might sound like she's trying to guilt him, but it's not her intention. But she'll let it stand for now and see how he reacts. In the meantime, she takes the offered bottle of wine and takes a drink, squeezing his hand as she gulps a fair amount of liquid.]

[Hope isn't his virtue, but it is easily among the most powerful spirits of the Fade for a reason. He turns towards it like a sunflower facing the sun, letting his arm go slack and wrapping around her waist even as he keeps one hand in hers. She can keep the wine bottle as far as he's concerned. He just wants to be close to her.]

I missed you as well.

[It's a simple and honest admission. He missed her. He's grown so attached to this one mortal that her absence aches, even though she hurt him and he was angry. Maybe that's the biggest indication of how much he has changed. How did that sneak up on him?]

I am sorry that I hurt you.

[She deserved a rebuke for lying to him, and maybe even a length of silence, but this wasn't about punishment or atonement. He withdrew into himself because he didn't know what to do, and he didn't realize how much he was hurting Riona in the process.

He should talk to Anders soon.]

[It's strange to be this close to him, he who used to not know what to do with even a pat on the shoulder. But she doesn't mind; it's certainly better than the distance that has been between them for weeks.

She offers him the bottle of wine all the same, in case he wants more.]

I should be the one saying that. And I am. I'm very sorry. Hurting you was never my intention, but it inevitably happened. [There's no going back and changing it. All she can hope now is that they move forward and learn from this. One step at a time.]

[Justice nods in acceptance. It's possible for both of them to hurt each other, and for both of them to have something to apologize for, he supposes. He doesn't like how messy things are in this world, how murky and uncertain, but he has to deal with it.

He takes the bottle for one more drink before putting it aside. His head is fuzzy, but not drunk. Grudgingly, he has a better understanding of why Oghren may have wanted to prolong the fuzziness forever.]

I know it was not your wish to hurt me.

[Justice may not be able to trust his ability to sense lies anymore, but he believes her. If she wanted to hurt him, there were many ways she could a long time ago. She is his friend, and she's not afraid of him. He has to believe that.

For now, he just feels exhausted. The struggle to deal with all of these feelings and indecision tires him like nothing else ever has. He just wants to be close to Riona.]

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