IC Inbox (Drift Fleet)

[whatisright]

[Messages meant for Justice's communicator, or people visiting him.

Please mention method of contact and time of contact.]

Comments

MAKEOVER TIME

[bryces_pup]

[Now that the fleet's back up in the air and out of harm's way, now seems the perfect time to initiate Operation Justify Makeover. This corpse look that Justice is having ain't working anymore.

Riona walks side by side with Anders, heading towards Justice's room. She's lugging a small mirror along, assuming that Justice doesn't have one of his own. They've got a rough idea between the two of them of how Justice should look. Of course, the spirit has say in this, too, though Riona's not sure just how much he's going to really care about his looks.

Grinning at Anders, they approach the door and knock. No need to call out; Justice will know it's them right quick.]

Here's to hoping.

[whatisright]

[Justice knows who it is. He's polishing a dagger when she knocks, perking at the combined presences of Anders and Riona. His first thought is that there's something serious that needs his attention, though he's not sure what it would be since the Vieziri are dead and Anders has mostly recovered.

He sets his dagger aside and opens the door, perpetual frown creased in concern.] Riona. Anders. [It's a short, abrupt greeting, but he's using their names, so it's warm by his standards. He glances down at the mirror in Riona's hand, and he arches a single questioning eyebrow at her.]

[apurrstate]

[Anders is more than happy to take this thing into full swing, it was definitely an improvement over the activities taking their time previously.

Plus, this was desperately needed at this point, a real priority.

He and Riona sweep up the hall like a force of nature with a mission and it barely stops at Justice's door. As soon as it's open and the spirit has greeted them, Anders has a hand on Justice's shoulder and is pushing their friend back into his own room and out of their way so they can follow.]

Justice, my friend, we're here to help you. You need saving from yourself, you just don't realize it yet.

[Get ready for a ride, Justice.]

This 'corpse look' has to stop.

[Action - probably backdated a bit]

[padadin]

[Hooray, they finally have a security officer! Aaaaand the guy locks himself in his room as soon as he arrives. Oh well. He still does his job when nobody is looking, so that's fine by Shiro. As soon as the ship works smoothly, each person can do whatever they want with their lives. He knows how to respect privacy, and it's not like he's in the best of moods either, so.

That said, a baby leopard running around the ship is something to be concerned about. Sure, Procyon likes playing with her, but she can't go around without supervision at such a young age (she's obviously not trained) and considering the way she scratches certain door.... yeeeeah.

Knocknock on your door, Justice buddy.]

Excuse me - Justice, isn't it? You need to do something about your pet.

[whatisright]

[There's a pause.

Then the door swings open. There's no indication in the room that someone may live there. The bed looks entirely unused, there are no decorations put up, and there's no one inside.

The leopard, for her part, simply leaps onto the bed, ceasing her yowling and looking very pleased with herself as she curls up onto the bed.]

She is not my pet.

[The voice comes from behind Shiro. There's a man behind him who looks like he's been frowning since he came from the womb. He doesn't look quite right either--something seems off and a bit sickly about him, but it's hard to put one's finger on exactly what's wrong.]

She is a free creature. She has chosen to linger in my company.

voice; during the Jan. drift

[helmsplitter]

[Things have been quiet on the Caprine since Justice moved ships. Baku and Doudanuki were by themselves pretty much until the new guy came along, and while Justice was no longer part of his crew, he sometimes liked to check in with the other spirit. There weren't many who understood what it was like to be a non-human among the other mortals after all.

But try as he might, Doudanuki couldn't locate him. He'd visited his ship briefly to look around, tried the Iskaulit, even nosed about on other unrelated ships, and yet nothing. So he decided to leave a message and hope the other spirit wasn't just gone.]

You still around? Been wantin' to talk. Hope you're not dead.

Or, I guess, returned.

.....

Hn. Message me back whenever you get this. If you wanna.

Voice

[whatisright]

[Justice considers not answering, withdrawing entirely into himself and refusing any kind of outside contact, but he's never done that. Not even in the Fade has he ever so completely eschewed contact with others, and frankly, the loneliness and all the horrible feelings that started this are gnawing at him.

Besides, Doudanuki is also a spirit. Spirits don't have a corrupting influence on other spirits.]

I am not dead, nor have I gone back to my world.

I have been operating out of sight. I was told of... bad news about my future, and I have been attempting to think on what to do about it.

[And he's had minimal progress, to be honest.]

Wintersend

[bryces_pup]

[It's not really hard to guess who the plays came from, meticulously hand written with notes in the margins about the context or background. As much as her heart aches, there's a sliver of hope that forms. If he left this present for her, then some part of him still cared. Perhaps it would be enough to get one last word in. She refuses to get her hopes up that he'll want to talk or want anything to do with her directly, but maybe this means he'd be open to indirect communication. With that bit of hope, she gets to work.

Not even a day later, Riona strides up to Justice's door, gifts in tow for him as she lays them on the floor. He'll find a pet bed for his cat and a cute little collar with a bell in the wrapped packages, along with a dagger with a simple but well made hilt and sheath as well. She considers stepping inside quickly to deposit them on his bed, but that seems too great a violation in light of what's happened. Trusting his crewmates to not steal the gifts, she steps back and leaves the gifts there. With them, noticeably, is a letter sealed in an envelope. There's no name on it, but Justice will know it's for him.]

Dear Justice,

Happy Wintersend. Thank you for the scripts. They were a lovely surprise. While I wish I could have shared that moment with you, I understand your wanting to keep your distance. These gifts are for you and your little snow leopard friend (who I hope you've named by now). Again, I wish I could be there to see you open them, but at the very least, I hope you make good use of them.

Below those words are a few dots on the page, like Riona had pressed the pen to the paper a number of times before lifting it again. The words hadn't come easily.

If you no longer desire our friendship, or if you can't even stand the sight of me, then I will respect that. But, I didn't want our words that day to be our last communication. Or at least, that's not where I wanted to leave things. While I can't make it right, I want to at least try and explain some things, now that emotions aren't running so rampant.

Justice, we didn't hide this from you because we thought you too weak or because we felt like you needed to be treated like a child. You value the truth, and that's to be commended, but the truth sometimes hurts more than anything, especially if it's not laid out well or if it doesn't come from the right person. It needed to come from Anders, but when you first arrived, he asked to be given some time to think things through and prepare himself. While I wish we had talked to you sooner, I also had to respect Anders's need for time. We both knew you would be devastated, and it took time for Anders to work up the strength and will to go through with it. Please, if nothing else, don't hold this against him. This was incredibly hard for him, too. He cares about you - no, he loves you dearly, in a way I don't think I'll ever fully know, and for how gut wrenching it is for me, it's five times worse for him.

Though that isn't to say you don't have a right to be furious, and hurt, and devastated and confused. Another part of the reason we took awhile to tell you was because we both know how much it hurts to hear about the future, and knowing there's nothing you can do about it here. I've been through it, and so has Anders. It's a terrible situation, and it's one that even us mortals struggle to grapple with. You'll probably hate me a bit more for saying this, but sometimes, the truth isn't always better. Here, in this place, sometimes some things are best left unsaid. I value the truth, you know I do, but I value people's well being and their state of mind more. It'd be one thing if we could learn about our futures here and be able to do something about them, but we can't, not as things are. Then the truth just weighs on us and haunts our thoughts. I dreaded seeing you go through that turmoil. So did Anders. But we both knew in the end, you'd have begun to realize something was wrong, and we had to tell you.

I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry I wasn't there to protect you two. I'm so sorry that the mortal world that you had grown fascinated with will damage you and twist you into something you never wanted to be. You had just wanted to help. Whatever your feelings towards me and my part in this are, I accept. Please, just don't hurt yourself. Kiter seemed really worried about you, and I'm not sure what conclusion you'll come to about how to deal with this. While what you and Anders did - will do - was horrific, in the long run, it did spark the fire of change, and things are turning around for mages in Thedas. Hold onto that, if nothing else. And please, talk to someone about what you're feeling. If you're not ready to speak with Anders, then just speak with someone else you trust who can help you work through it. Anyone would need support during a time like this. Please take care of yourself (and your cat).

You will always be my friend. No matter what you or anyone else says, you're not corrupted, you're not broken, you're not irredeemable. You're a good person. I hope someday you'll be able to forgive yourself and make peace with this. You deserve to.

- Riona

[whatisright]

[It had taken restraint to not linger in her room as he left behind her gift. He had wanted to stay and touch her things, feel her memories in happier times, but she’d taught him that humans find this invasive. That, and he was worried about her coming back while he was there. Unseen or not, he wasn’t ready to let her pass him unacknowledged.

There is no such restraint with the letter. He reads it over and over until the words mix up on the page, but what he’s most interested in is just the memories lingering on it. Riona hadn’t been happy when she wrote it, but it was still her, and her absence is a gaping hole in his chest. Only Anders’ absence rivals the pain, and he doesn’t know how to begin to fix any of it, if he even should.

She’s still hurting. At least, that’s what his senses say, but he’s seen how Atroma selectively muffles his ability to know things. He does blame it on Atroma now—it seems all too convenient that his augment shorted his abilities every time he might have caught on to the lies and secrets. But he doesn’t think the augment has been able to make him feel something that isn’t there, at least so far.

So as far as he knows, she’s hurting. She thinks he’s still angry. Is he? He doesn’t know. For some reason, this makes him want to sleep. He doesn’t dream, but the oblivion is comforting in its own way, a respite from a reality where he feels utterly powerless and confused.

But there’s something he might be able to do about this, talk to Riona or... something. The fact that he wants to sleep when there’s something he can actually do sends a chill through his skin. It’s not sloth—he has long proved resistant to its wiles—but something much more insidious, something internal. Corruption?

It’s an effort to resist the urge. Everything is pulling him to curl up on the floor and sleep, but instead, he opens his drawer. His ring lies there, and it sings to him the most beautiful song, banishing the instinct to blot out this world. It hurts to listen to, a painful reminder of Riona, but maybe he needs a little pain right now. He pulls on the ring, letting the song wash over him.

It’s not enough to cut through the miasma of grief, confusion, and loneliness he’s found himself in, but it gives him energy. He should talk to Riona. She’s in pain, and Justice doesn’t want her to be.

He has no idea what he’ll say to her, though he only realizes that once he’s actually arrived at her room. She’s not there, so he sits on the edge of the bed, invisible and trying to think of what he wants to say to her. The leopard is content to wander the ship on her own, trusting that he will take her with him when he leaves, so he’s alone.

He’s no closer to figuring out what to say by the time Riona’s arrived, so he just blurts out what’s on his mind.]

I am not angry at you, Riona. Not anymore.

[Unseen, he seems more like a disembodied voice coming from everywhere in the room. He still has a lot to learn about what mortals may find disconcerting.]

voice.

[veilstrike]

[ The feed clearly opens before Leilani means it to, and there's the sound of some rather awkward stumbling - her hand slamming hard against the wall, a snort that might be something like a laugh or maybe more of a sob, and then the sound of her leaning against the wall and sliding down. Then a soft noise of glee. ]

Justice! Justice - listen, listen. [ She's fumbling with her device and it makes it sound as though her fingers aren't quite working properly. ] Okay, you're listening. Elves! Elves. Hilarious, right. Bloody elves.

voice.

[whatisright]

[Justice has been working hard finding things to do on Philias. He's been hard at work for over 24 hours straight when his communicator rings. When he listens, his frown etches itself deeper into his face.]

What?

[Is this some weird mortal humor thing he doesn't get?]

Text

[apurrstate]

[The morning of the first day of drifting, Justice receives a number of texts that come far enough apart to denote the hesitance they were sent with.]

We should talk.

If that's okay.

If you'd rather not, though, that's fine too.

But if you do, I'll be in the Interfaith Center.

On the Iskaulit.

[whatisright]

[Justice stares at the texts for a solid thirty seconds. He doesn't know what his feelings are doing. He'd been thinking about what Riona had said to him, and he had been planning on approaching Anders finally, but there's some relief in Anders approaching first. Relief, and anxiety so thick that he feels like he'll suffocate.

It doesn't occur to him to actually respond to the texts, because he's a social dunce. But he does go to the Interfaith Center. He's not visible when he goes, still not quite wanting to be seen by the Fleet at large, but Loyalty keeps pace with him even as he is unseen by everyone else.

So that's the major tip off that he's there when he makes it to the Interfaith Center. Before he's visible, before he's even made it to Anders, Loyalty has run ahead of him. She finds Anders and immediately starts rubbing her side against his legs, purring loudly.

Loyalty's coat looks much more healthy this time. It's almost as though someone has been giving her actual cat food and letting her hunt mice instead of just letting her eat what she wants from the pantry.]

action.

[veilstrike]

[ There's nothing to say she's been avoiding him, exactly; she's been asleep for a few days and been through an experience in the short amount of time, so it's not her fault entirely. The problem is that as soon as she woke up all she wanted was to hide away with Dorian - he's the only thing she has of home, and her desperate need for something familiar had her wrapped up in him and avoiding everyone else. It hurts. The loss of her arm is one thing, but her connection to the Fade has faltered, her connection to Solas is gone, her heart broken all over again.

It's impossible to hide forever, all the same, and she knows that there are people that want to see her. She can hear one of them getting closer to the room she now shares with Dorian and her heart feels heavy in her throat; it's too much, it feels like something is pressing down her chest, but... She pushes herself to her feet and walks to the door anyway, opening it up before Justice has a chance to knock. She's still a little unsteady on her feet, not entirely used to being armless, but she tilts her head up and offers a wry smile all the same - as if nothing is wrong. ]

Come on in, Justice.

[whatisright]

[Justice wouldn't have bothered to knock, since some of his lessons on human manners have fallen by the wayside during his isolation, so it's good that Leilani greets him.

He had known that there was something wrong, but her sudden lack of arm is still a surprise. Justice instinctively reaches out, steadying her with one hand as her lack of balance is clear, and walks inside, eyes not leaving her stump.]

Your arm is gone. [He says it like it might be something she hasn't noticed yet, but really it's a way to help himself process what he's seeing.] What happened?

action

[veilstrike]

[ Being back in orbit means that Leilani is a little more restless than usual; the planet, for all its faults, had been open and spacious, had given her room to explore freely, to be independent of the metal walls. Returning to her ship and the idea of being back in space is frustrating, and it leaves her anxious to do something to keep herself moving, to stop her from focussing on her heart and her arm and all the other pieces.

It brings her quite quickly to the Blameless - a part of her thinks, with some humour, that she'll be spending more time there than normal now - and through the corridors to where she knows Justice's room is. Loyalty will probably be around somewhere as well, but her focus is less on the cat and more on the caretaker of the animal, which is what has her knocking on Justice's door quietly. ]

Aneth ara. It's me.

action

[whatisright]

[Loyalty is off having fun with the new decorations around the Blameless, and possibly getting chased by a roomba. But Justice opens the door as she speaks, having felt her coming, and the corners of his eyes soften in an almost-smile to see her.]

I know that it is you. Aneth Ara.

[He can speak perfectly well in Elvhen, and happily does so when she wishes it. It's one of the many benefits of being a spirit.]

text

[veilstrike]

Justice.

Are you busy?

[whatisright]

No.

Is something wrong?

action

[veilstrike]

[ This time, Leilani doesn't bother warning Justice that she's coming over. She's miserable and she doesn't hesitate to storm into a shuttle away from Dorian's ship to travel over to Justice's, moving through the halls and moving through towards his room. She's sure by the time she gets close that he's picking up on her twisted, upset emotions and, when she reaches his door, she pauses, pressing her forehead against.

Should she be here, considering how stormy her feelings are? If she gets into an argument with Justice now...

But she knows what she wants to do, even if it makes her feel sick. Her hands press palm flat against the metal of his door, tears still in his eyes. It's not fair, she thinks, settling here like this, coming to him when she's sad every time, wishing... Wanting it to be easier.

He cannot love her. She's falling in love with him. It just seems logical to stop it.

Leilani finally knocks, quiet, almost as if she's afraid of him answering. ]

[whatisright]

[He can't really get a good grip on her thoughts--it's harder when they don't have to do with justice and they get all jumbled up--but he knows she's distressed. He opens the door the moment before she knocks, Loyalty curling around his ankles and purring.]

What is wrong?

[He reaches out, immediately moving to hold her. She likes that when she's upset.]

audio.

[veilstrike]

[ A day or so after Leilani is brought back to life and she's settled back into her ship, she leaves a message for Justice. It's long and it's her heart bared to him, in no uncertain terms, but she hopes it's enough. Not to fix everything, but to start on some kind of forgiveness. It's all she can ask for - it's all she deserves. ]

[whatisright]

[...Justice can safely say he has no idea how to respond to this.

Justice stares at the message for a while. There are too many feelings, too much information, too much to go through. He can only stare.

He struggles, considers just running to his friends to tell him what to say, but she just sounds so upset. He doesn't want to leave her like that, not when he's just so relieved she's alive again.

But he doesn't know how he feels. He doesn't know what to say.

But maybe that's enough.]

I... do not know what to say. I do not know how I feel. But I know that I do not feel angry.

a note attached to loyalty’s collar.

[veilstrike]

Justice. When you remember yourself again please let me know. I’d appreciate it. Yours, Leilani.

Text

[whatisright]

I am back to myself. My current self, at least.

[...Justice is having trouble figuring out how to talk about everything else.]