whatisright | IC Inbox (Drift Fleet)

Justice. When you remember yourself again please let me know. I’d appreciate it. Yours, Leilani.

I am back to myself. My current self, at least.

[...Justice is having trouble figuring out how to talk about everything else.]

Oh! Justice. Welcome back.

[ A pause between messages, as if she’s not sure, but - ]

I missed you. How are you feeling?

Strange. My memory is disorganized. It is likely for the best that it is that way.

Apparently I was in a coma for a few months.

You were. It’s been a long time since we last spoke to one another.

I understand.

I believe we have much to discuss. Would you like to do it in person?

Yes, more than anything. Shall I come to your ship?

Yes. I will be waiting for you.

[And he will be with Loyalty curling around his ankles.]

I won't be long.

[ It takes Leilani a little longer than she would like to get ready. She has to change her clothes, she thinks, and she makes sure that she is wearing something at least a little flattering. Her jawbone necklace is gone, now, so that's not something to worry about, and she changes her prosthetic from one that is pretty to one that is a touch more function, trying to glue the pieces of herself back together before she makes her way to the shuttle.

The trip feels like an eternity.

Walking to Justice's door is easy enough and she knocks, pausing, waiting. She knows she doesn't need to, that before she might have walked in without pause, but it's different now. She is not Justice's lover.

She doesn't know what she is. ]

[Justice doesn't prepare as thoroughly, but that doesn't mean he isn't waiting, tense, for her to arrive. He still doesn't know what to say, how to feel about all that has happened, but she's waited long enough for a response and Justice doesn't relish making her suffer any longer.

He misses spending time with her. Maybe he would know what's going on in his head if he only has a chance to talk with her about it.

So when she comes near, he opens the door the moment after she knocks. He doesn't need to hear her to know she's there.]

You can come in, if you wish.

[Even Justice knows that's an awkward way to greet her, but... he doesn't know what to say.]

[ When she sees him it feels as though her heart skips.

It’s been long enough that she hasn’t really let herself try and imagine him too much, but here he is now, standing in front of her, as real and as handsome as he had ever been. There’s an immediate desire to reach for him and pull him close, but that would be foolish. She’s the one who ended things. She has no right to ask that of him.

For once she’s a little less than glad by the knowledge that Justice can tell what she’s feeling. There’s no hiding the depth of her regret, her sadness, her hope - and most of all how much she loved him. She can’t hide any of it from him behind soft, false smiles. ]

I will, thank you.

[ Stepping inside, she pauses to greet Loyalty before she speaks again. ]

Thank you. For letting me come.

[Her feelings would be a lot even if he didn't have so many feelings of his own. He's just not sure what to do with them, what to say, what the right course of action is.

She said she loved him. It still doesn't quite feel real. Maybe he should start there.]

I believe we have needed to speak for a while.

[He closes the door behind her, still frowning as he tries to think through the miasma of their emotions tangling in the air.]

I confess I no more know what to say now than I knew then.

I wish I knew how to make it easier.

[ She wishes, absently, that she could feel his thoughts in return, that she could dip into his mind. Would it make her more confident or make them less likely to be able to be together again? She breathes out. ]

I was cruel to you and I know that. I let my fears spoil my love and hurt you at the same time. It was unjust.

It was unjust. [Justice nods his head slowly, still frowning.] But you have displayed remorse and apologized for your actions. I do not see a need for further reparations.

[But as for everything else... well...]

Have I ever told you about Kristoff and Aura?

My remorse doesn’t mean you have to forgive me. Forgiveness should be earned, especially for something unjust. [ She might be more forgiving of someone else, but she’s always been more harsh with herself.

Lifting her head, she pauses before she frowns. ]

No, you haven’t. May I hear it now?

Am I not the victim of this injustice, and thus the judge of when forgiveness is warranted?

[He does feel strongly in the victim having a say in sentencing, after all.]

Kristoff was an Orlesian Grey Warden stationed in Ferelden. He was investigating darkspawn activity when he was ambushed and killed in a swamp. Grey Wardens came to check on him, and they were ambushed as well, forced into the Fade where they met me. Through powerful blood magic, we were all pushed into the material world, and it was Kristoff's body I was forced into.

I did not know what to do. I had no means of going back to the Fade, so I followed the Grey Wardens to Vigil's Keep. Kristoff's wife was waiting there. Aura was worried when Kristoff hadn't contacted her in a few days, and the look of relief when she saw me...

[Justice has to pause, staring at the floor, pursing his lips in the tightest frown he's ever had.]

I - well. You're right. It is up to you.

[ And she is ready to accept her sentence, no matter what it might be. ]

Vigil's keep... Is that where the Hero of Ferelden went? [ But, ah, she's missing the point, shaking her head and moving around. She reaches to pet Loyalty gently, her focus still on Justice, on what he's saying, on what she's being told. The understanding sinks around her and she breathes out, hesitating, her fingers reaching for his before she realises.

She stops herself. ]

But you weren't Kristoff. Did you - what happened? Did you tell her?

Yes, that is what most call Riona, the Warden Commander at the time. [He says it dismissively, like that's only a minor detail. It was Riona who found him in the Fade. Riona, Anders, and their Gray Warden brothers and sisters.]

I told her the truth. That her husband was dead and I was a spirit desecrating his corpse. She was horrified and ran from me. I felt so...

[Justice clenches and unclenches his hands, searching for words.]

Kristoff loved his wife. He loved Aura like nothing else, and she loved him. He loved her so much that it lingered on his body, so much that I think I might have loved her too. [His voice catches. He doesn't know if he's ever admitted that before, to himself or anyone else.] I could not let that be the end.

It must have been difficult for her. I don't think it's something I could possibly understand.

[ It's hard for her to think about Solas being gone, to think about what it means that Justice is a Spirit and the body he possesses to become someone. He's not quite the same as Cole, she thinks, but not entirely dissimilar to him either, and that makes her heart hurt.

Carefully, she moves closer, anticipating offering her support. ]

What happened with Aura, Justice?

I found her in a Chantry. She was praying for her husband. I asked her to tell me what I could do to make up for defiling her husband's remains. She said she would suffer waiting for Kristoff's ashes if I avenged his death. So I did.

It did nothing to ease her pain.

[Justice rubs his hands together. It's an unconscious gesture, one that betrays how tense this conversation makes him.]

There was nothing I could do. She had lost the man she loved. And I could remember exactly how much Kristoff loved her, and how she loved him. She was in so much pain and yet I... I envied her. I envied them both for that bond.

There’s nothing wrong with wanting to be loved. Wanting to feel what it’s like to have that. I hope you don’t feel guilty for that desire, Justice, because it’s truly one of the best things in the world.

[ Bowing her head, she tries to find words. She used to be good at this. Why did people ever follow her? Ah, yes, the Anchor. ]

I’m sorry that you had to experience it that way. That it wasn’t as easy as it could have been. But... I - Justice, you... [ She breathes out slowly. ] You don’t need to envy being loved any longer. You are loved. I can - if you want to hear it, I love you.

[Justice finally reaches out, taking her hands in his, like he can't stand to keep not touching her. The tightening at the corners of his mouth betray his tension, though.]

I want that. I want you. But before you give me your heart, I must tell you something.

[His knuckles are white. It's taken a long time for him to come to a point where he could talk about it, but it still hurts.]

What do you know of Anders?

[ She moves forward without hesitation, letting her fingers grip his, careful and sure. He needs her now, she thinks, and she will not relent. ]

You say that like you don't already have it.

[ But there's something, something intense about the moment, and her eyes drink him in before she breathes out softly. ]

I know a little, from what Hawke and rumour have told me, but nothing that I know for certain.

IC Inbox (Drift Fleet)

a note attached to loyalty’s collar.

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