whatisright | IC Inbox (Drift Fleet)

Oh.

[ More important. That's new. She turns her head so her cheek can press against the cool metal of the wall, and she breathes out sharply, close to tears again. ]

Someone I loved was here. He loved someone else.

He was unfaithful? [Infidelity is hardly the greatest injustice mortals commit against each other, but it still makes Justice angry. It seems especially sharp, knowing what he knows of Leilani.

He wants to avenge this wrongdoing, but if the man is not here, then there is nothing Justice can do. Besides, perhaps, try to ease her hurt somewhat.]

I can keep you company, if you wish.

[Coming from anyone else who almost-but-not-quite slept with her, that may be pregnant with ulterior motives and implication. That hasn't even occurred to Justice. Thoughts of sex haven't come to him--instead, he only wants to do something for her, because she is unhappy and she doesn't deserve to be.]

I don't know. Did he know me when he was here? Or was it like Cyril, where she was from another world where he loved her instead? How can he be unfaithful if he doesn't know I exist? [ Which stings like a knife in the chest.

She had thought and hoped and imagined that what she shared with Solas was beautiful and wonderful and unique, but that doesn't seem to be the case. She was a figure, a body fit to a mould of what Solas wanted, an Inquisitor with a Dalish background who shunned everything she had known because of her belief in him.

What she feels, more than anything else, is lost and insignificant, more than she had already. ]

Only if you have the time. I don't want to stop you doing anything else just because I had a drink.

If you wish to know, perhaps I could find out if someone has something that belonged to him.

[Object reading can be useful sometimes.

Justice is already walking towards his shuttle. He'll be at the Blue Fish soon.]

I have something that belonged to him.

[ It's hard to move from her curled up ball so she doesn't. She just sits, stinging and hurting. ]

He's already left me, Justice. It can't hurt any more than it already does.

I am sorry that I do not understand better.

[He is entirely sincere when he says that. He doesn't remember ever experiencing love or loss, and the only betrayal he knows is that of his friends lying to him. He does not know what she is going through, and he doesn't know how to make it better.

But he's on his way, and perhaps he can do something with her guidance.

It doesn't take him long to arrive. He doesn't knock, because some habits he will probably never pick up.

She's curled in a ball, radiating alcohol and misery. He doesn't know how to fix it, so he just sits on the edge of her bed.]

[ It's not fair, she knows, to put this burden on him, to demand that he tries to understand the hurt she's feeling. It's a unique pain, something that she doesn't imagine many people will experience, really. Still, Justice comes and slips into her room and Leilani lifts her head, her eyes widening.

He's here. His work wasn't as important as her.

Slowly, she pushes herself up to her feet, leaving her communicator by the door, and stumbles over. When she sits down she almost falls against him, but she does her best to sit up straight. She must smell, she thinks, and the quiet part of her mind is scolding her.

A wonderful way to show Justice that he should spend more time with her, that she's worth his attention. As if she was. ]

Thank you for coming.

[Justice is thoroughly out of his element right now, but he never got anywhere by giving up when he meets something unfamiliar. She's unsteady when she sits by his side, almost flopping over, so he wraps one arm around her shoulders. It doesn't occur to him to take further liberties--now is not the time, and he still does not know what he is allowed to do after what happened between them.]

Of course I came.

[He wishes he knew how to make her feel better. A spirit of compassion wouldn't go amiss at this point.] What do you need?

[ Leilani sniffles a little as his arm goes around her; she's been drinking for a while now, so the anger she felt has faded into abject misery that makes her want to reach out and wrap herself around Justice until he has to peel himself away from her in the morning. Sighing, softly, she turns her head and presses her face against his chest.

This would be the perfect time to ask him to lie with her, but she knows, deep down, that she can't do that to him. She had stopped him before and now she must stop herself. It's unworthy to ask that of him.

Instead, she speaks, voice soft as she reaches to wrap her arm around his middle. ]

Will you stay with me?

[He nods. He uses his free hand to cradle her head against his chest, keeping a tight grip around her shoulders. He knows that she likes physical expressions of affection, and he no longer feels as awkward with them as he used to. If she needs to cuddle, he won't stop her.]

I will stay.

[After how she indulged him before, it would be hardly fair of him to leave her now. He may not understand her pain, but if he can be helpful, even in his own broken state, he wants to be helpful.]

[ She sniffles against his chest, moving just a little so she can tuck against the warmth he offers. Justice is so much more than she could deserve, and what Dorian told her strikes her again: she should move on. The fact that Justice came for her, even if he doesn’t understand, the hurt of knowing how Solas felt for someone else... ]

I want to kiss you, but I won’t. I’ve had drinks.

[ Making a small, sad noise, Leilani grips at his shirt, closing her eyes. She feels tied up in knots and it’s too much. Her life is falling apart as her hand tries to kill her. It’s not fair. ]

I’m sorry you’re seeing this.

[It doesn't occur to Justice that her feelings for him might be romantic. He has only recently realized that a mortal might wish to have sex with him, let alone that they might wish for a relationship.

He doesn't understand why she shouldn't kiss him when she's been drinking--it seems to him that mortals kiss the most when they drink--but he's not going to question it. Chances are he won't understand the reason anyway.]

Why are you sorry?

[He has seen mortals in much worse states before. He'd be a terrible spirit of justice if he recoiled from mortals in pain.]

[ Justice is too good, she thinks. He’s so kind and gentle, so open to helping her with her hurt, and she doesn’t know how to express to him the depth of what she’s feeling. It would be so easy to tilt her head up and kiss him; it would be so easy to kiss him, to drown in the comfort he’s offering, but... What they shared before was special.

She hiccups something like a sob, pressing her face into his chest, not daring to let go. It feels like she might fall into pieces, that she might shatter and break — she’s tired, and she feels so, so old, ancient in her heart. ]

You shouldn’t see me like this. No one should. I’m meant to be stronger.

[ But Solas - and her broken heart - will always be a weakness. ]

Perhaps to those you command. But I am not under your command, and I am not mortal.

I am a spirit. Mortal facades mean little. I am meant to see your heart, for better or for worse.

[He may not know how to comfort a crying mortal, but he knows how to bear witness to one, and he knows how to see them for what they are. It is his responsibility to know them and to inspire them to be better, or punish them if they cannot be.

He smooths his hand over her hair. He thinks mortals like that. It's physical affection, so Leilani will probably like it.]

That sounds almost romantic.

[ It makes her want to laugh, that she's seeking - and finding, in some kind of illusion to her - romance with a Spirit. It reminds her of idle conversations with Blackwall, with Sera and Solas, wondering about his relationships with spirits, how funny a joke it had been at the time when she had been able to slide up beside him and take his hand.

They'd been happy, and he'd thrown her to one side.

It's easy to lean into his touch, at least, to breathe out a soft, sad noise and cling to Justice, despite the guilt she feels. ]

My head must be a mess for you.

Romantic? [He doesn't see it, but if she does, he's not going to argue. Especially when she's in this state.]

It is, but all mortal minds are messes most of the time. [Hers just happens to be a particularly emotional mess at the moment. It's hard for him to parse through, but the injustice of the situation makes one particular theme stand out to him: a man wronged her terribly.] I can read his possessions, if you believe that would ease your pain.

Almost. [ She scoffs quietly, shifting a little to make herself more comfortable against Justice. It's unfair to him, she thinks, to have to deal with all this emotional baggage, but the last time she was held like this...

Careful, her arms squeeze him gently. She has the wolf jaw necklace, but she's afraid to see what Justice could decipher from it. ] You could. But what if I don't like what you read?

Then at least you would know whether he is worth your pain.

[He pets her hair, considering what Leilani likes, how she's asked to be soothed in the past, and how Riona soothed him when he was in pain.

He could try offering alcohol, but he doesn't have any. So he'll do the next best thing.] Would you like to lie down?

[Cuddling is a soothing activity for mortals, right?]

He's worth it. I never doubted that.

[ Soft, she tilts, leaning into him before she closes her eyes, softening as she breathes out a gentle sound. She wants to move forward, as Dorian had told her to, but there's a burning inside her that makes her feel sad and heavy.

The offer almost, almost makes her laugh, but she nods, reaching out to squeeze Justice again before she leans back. ] That sounds like a good idea.

[ Especially since her head is still spinning just a little bit. ]

Is he still worth it if he was unfaithful?

[Justice doesn't understand, and he can't see how anyone who would intentionally hurt her can be worth this much devotion and love.

As she leans back, so does he, wrapping his arms around her snugly so that she can feel secure.]

My experience with love is limited, but I do not believe someone who loves you is meant to hurt you so badly.

Is he still unfaithful if he doesn’t know I exist? The Solas that was brought here may never have known me.

[ It hurts, but she thinks it’s unjust to suggest that he had been adulterous when all he’d done was fall in love. It breaks her heart because it makes her feel small and silky, unimportant all over again.

At least Justice is warm and comfortable, and she leans into him, closing her eyes. ]

He broke my heart. I can’t forget that, but... I can understand why he didn’t. I wish that made it better.

You do not know whether or not he knew you. [Yes, it would be unreasonable to ask a man to be faithful to a woman he never met, but if they had met, then Justice can't see how it's forgivable.

Justice smooths his hand over her hair. There's something somewhat stiff about the gesture, something he's doing because he thinks she might like it but he's not sure, but it's entirely sincere.] I do not have to read his possessions if you do not wish it.

No. Dorian didn't know me before we met here, and I do not blame him. [ Leilani sighs, soft and sad, concerned with how to handle the awkwardness of this.

At least the touch is nice, and she turns her head up to look at him, fond and gentle before she cuddles closer, trying to bury her emotions and her feelings. ] I... Think I'd like to leave it, for now.

As you wish. [He rests his head on the pillow, continuing to run his hand over her hair.]

Is there something else I can do for you?

Mm. [ She cuddles closer, because he's warm and he's here and she adores it.

Softly, she speaks. ]

Can you stay? Until tomorrow?

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whatisright - 2018-03-02 13:25 (UTC) - Expand

IC Inbox (Drift Fleet)

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