whatisright | IC Inbox (Drift Fleet)

He said something that needed to be said. That's all.

[ She lifts her head to look at him, her eyes flicking over his face for a moment before she breathes out. Her chest hurts - everything hurts a little bit, she's so tired - and even her prosthetic hand is clenched tight. ]

... What do you think about love, Justice?

[This is a weird place to take the conversation, but Justice furrows his brow and rolls with it.]

I think it is a beautiful thing. When I possessed Kristoff's corpse, I was able to witness the love he had for his wife, and the love she had for him. I envied it, and it grieved me to hurt her with the news that her husband had perished and I desecrated his body. I dearly hope that she is able to find love again, for that is what Kristoff would have desired.

[ Nothing about himself. It makes Leilani frown and she hesitates, watching him for a long, drawn out moment before she shakes her head. ]

What do you think about love for yourself, Justice? Do you want to fall in love?

[She's still upset. Is Justice saying the right thing? It's confusing him, and not for the first time, he wishes he understood mortals like mortals do.]

Yes, I do. I want to have what Kristoff and Aura had. [He shakes his head slowly, glancing at the ground.] I do not know if I can, however. I have made peace with that.

[ It’s just how she explained it to Dorian. At least he won’t betray you. Tearing the bandage from a wound, forcing herself to make the right choice. It hurts, so much, and all she can do is blink back tears. ]

I want you to have that too. I want you to find someone you can love, Justice. [ She feels sick. ] You deserve to feel how they felt.

I... do not understand.

[She's upset. But she's saying that she wants him to have love. Justice knows that there are dots to connect, but he doesn't know how to do it.]

Why does that make you unhappy?

It makes me unhappy because I’m not the person to -

[ She stops. Shakes her head. ]

We should stop doing what we’re doing. Then you can have a chance to fall in love with someone.

What?

[His voice is soft when he says that. He understands the words, but he doesn't understand why she would say them.]

My limitations are my own. They have nothing to do with you. Why would stopping help anything?

[He doesn't want to stop. He surprises himself with how intensely he doesn't want to stop, and his grip around her shoulders becomes tighter. He doesn't want her to go.]

[ It hurts. It hurts even more with the softness of his voice and the way he grips her, a knot forming in her stomach. She's doing the right thing, that's what she tells herself, even if she's breaking her own heart. ]

You should have the opportunity to fall in love with someone and be happy, Justice. You can't do that if you're doing... What we were doing together.

[ Leilani lifts her hands and rests them over his, just for a moment. ]

You deserve that. Better.

I do not understand. Why would being with you impede my ability to fall in love? If I am able to fall in love, why can it not be with you?

[The confusion and hurt just make him more agitated, but it only shows in the furrow of his brow, the strength of his grip, and the tone of his softened voice.]

You do not desire this. I sense it. If you wish to be done with me, it is your right, but you do not wish it. Why are you leaving if neither of us wish it?

[ ‘Because you haven’t.’ She’s well aware that it’s not a reasonable justification, but when she’s already halfway over heels for him and she doesn’t know if he will love her back... Even if her bruised heart leaps at the suggestion of him loving her. ]

You don’t decide who you fall in love with. You can’t just say it’s going to be me, Justice, that isn’t how love works. What if you never feel that way for me and you might with someone else?

[ His grip is strong and sure and Leilani wishes she could feel that kind of strength in herself. ]

I... I want to do what is best for the both of us.

Why am I any more likely to love someone else than I am to love you?

[He doesn’t understand. He wants to run to Riona or Anders to get them to make him understand. Why does she want to leave him if she doesn’t actually want to leave him? Did he do something wrong? Did she find someone else?

It hurts. It’s a bad hurt, and he doesn’t know what to do with it, doesn’t know how to grapple with it, and it frightens him. He needs to withdraw. He can’t draw this out. He needs a moment to hide and calm down, and Loyalty responds by meowing very loudly and insistently.]

Is your mind made up?

[ Everything inside of her is screaming about what a terrible idea this is, how hurting she's being. She had been the one to bring him into this relationship, she had been the one to urge him to trust her, to let her explore him and offer herself in return. Leilani had never imagined herself as cruel, not until now.

Bowing her head, she takes a deep breath, forcing her tears back. ]

My mind is made up. I'm sorry, Justice. I...

[ Shaking her head, she takes a step back. She can't do or say anything more than this. She's hurt him enough, she thinks, and herself and, slowly, the ranks of people she loves and trust start to thin. Justice then Dorian... She's sure that once Riona finds out that'll be gone as well. ]

I wish you good luck in this. Truly.

[ And then she turns, moving out of his space and away from his touch and his warmth, away from everything she wanted, back out to the shuttles. Running and hiding seems like the best idea right now. ]

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