IC Inbox (Drift Fleet)

[whatisright]

[Messages meant for Justice's communicator, or people visiting him.

Please mention method of contact and time of contact.]

Comments

[whatisright]

I am certain he was a distraction, but a necessary one. It is no sacrifice for me to focus all my energy on one goal, but mortals are meant to live their lives for more than just a single virtue. I had no right to take that from you.

[He likes seeing mortals striving to be virtuous, but none of them should be as fixated on justice as he is. He understands now that there is more to waking life than obsessing over a single virtue, and demanding that a mortal behave like a spirit is cruel. He's glad that Wolfe was there to provide the support and love that Anders needed, and that Justice couldn't give. (And perhaps Justice needed it too, but he can't know how much.)

He doesn't know if Wolfe would have been helpful for Justice or not. Wolfe had described him as a parasite, after all. While Justice doesn't blame him at all for his characterization, he still doesn't know what that attitude would have done to him, trapped and voiceless in Anders as he was. But that doesn't matter to him, as long as Wolfe helped Anders.

Justice listens to Anders, allowing him to pull away to work on the altar, and he gradually softens. A part of him wishes he knew what it was like, that he remembered, but he knows that the memories likely would change him beyond recognition.]

I was angry that you and Riona hid this from me. I was angry that you lied about something so important and took the decision of what to do about it away from me for so long. Never do that again.

[He sighs. Even though he doesn't need the air, he finds the gesture to be steadying.]

But I forgive you. I have done much to hurt you and yet you remain at my side. It would not be right for me to hold this against you after all that you have forgiven me of.

[Justice clasps his hands in his lap, staring down at them.] You are my friend, and I love you. I wish to lose you no more than you wish to lose me.

[apurrstate]

[He almost laughs, he's so incredulous of what he's hearing.]

I won't, I promise. I don't have anything else like that to tell you.

[He felt strung out, exposed, he'd told the biggest secret he'd been keeping from Justice, the rest the spirit had already been able to feel out from him or would come in time and weren't near the level this one was. But now everything was on the table, every thought and emotion and regret and it was both freeing and horrible.

And then Justice says he loves him and he swears he's never been so tempted to cry twice in one calendar year before. Instead, he turns to Justice and immediately closes the distance between them to pull his friend into as tight a hug as he can manage around the cat.]

I love you too. Thank you...thank you for giving me a second chance, Maker knows I don't deserve as many as I've received in my life.

[whatisright]

[The hug is sudden, but Justice has never welcomed physical contact more. He wraps his arms around Anders, holding as tightly as he can. Loyalty, squished, pulls herself out from between them with an aggravated meow, but then she's almost immediately back to rubbing up against their legs. It seems that she's just happy that her person and his person are back to being friends again.

Justice, on instinct, gently pets Anders' hair as he buries his head in Anders' shoulder. His long period of isolation and his relationship with Leilani has taught him how much he likes affection.]

I promised you an answer that I do not have. I am sorry. [He murmurs it into Anders' shoulder. He doesn't want to let go again so quickly, especially when he talks about this.] But death is not something I can undo. For as long as I am uncertain it is the right thing to do, I shall not kill myself.

[It's not a promise to live, nor even an affirmation that he thinks he should live. But it's an assurance that, for now, he has decided to live.]

[apurrstate]

[Anders was reticent to let go so soon, so Justice continuing to hold on just as tightly is a welcome surprise. As is the hand in his hair which he can't help leaning into a little. But he's quiet as he listens to Justice and, when he finally responds, his voice is heavy with emotion.]

I'm very proud of you. To know you. To have you at my side. You're a braver and better person than I and I couldn't have asked for a better answer.

[Did part of him want to hear that Justice would happily go and live his life as normal? Definitely. He wasn't so deluded as to actually have been expecting that response. But Justice had done on his own what Anders had been too cowardly to decide for himself. Instead, he'd foisted the decision of his fate on Hawke and vowed to abide by whatever his love's choice would be.]

[whatisright]

[Justice nods into Anders' shoulder, relieved beyond words that Anders can accept this answer. It's the best he can give right now, because he really doesn't know what is right. He just knows what can be done and undone, and he doesn't want to do something that he can't undo later if he's not certain it's right.

It's just... so, so good to be so close with Anders again. He can feel Anders' presence singing in his skin, humming with relief, and now that the absence there is explained it doesn't feel so frightening. It's just a place where Justice fits.

Justice keeps petting Anders' hair, keeps a tight grip, and his eyes sting as he murmurs,] I have missed you, my friend.